BREAKING NEWS: TRUMP TO BE NEW TWITTER CEO

-



 In an unprecedented move my reporters have discovered that Elon Musk will step down as CEO of Twittter and be replaced by none other than former President Donald Trump. Suspicions arose when NYPD began condoning off the sidewalks in front of many of NYC's high rises explaining they had been advised by top police brass to expect an " astronomical increase of jumpers " within the next several hours. The city is also quietly increasing the number of operators for the regions suicide hotline by 50,000. NY Governor Hochul tried to downplay rumors as she stood on a railing 86 floors up, visibly upset smoking a cigarette and drinking wine from a box

More updates as details emerge

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Britain and France To Arm Syrian Rebels

-
Image
Britain and France will begin to send arms to rebels in their fight to overthrow the Syrian government. London and Paris have been badgering the European Union to supply arms to the rebels for months but were rebuffed by other EU members.Rebel leaders were said to be overjoyed to begin receiving Surface -to Air- missiles, machine guns, c4 explosives with one rebel leader saying " This is just the break we have been looking for to topple the Assad regime. Thank you London, thank you France". In other news Al-Nusra,a jihadist group fighting to topple the Syrian government today pledged their allegiance to al-Qaeda. Stated one of Al-Nusra's top generals "Today we join forces with al-Qaeda to topple the Assad regime. If only we had the military arms we could not only bring down Assad but teach Israel and the Americans a thing or two".
Read more

Dominoes Pizzeria Destroyed in 4 Alarm Fire. Ex-wife Devastated

-
Image
 Sitting up in bed today at 430 am with my old pal Insomnia my attention turned to the television: " MORE THAN 100 FIREFIGHTERS ARE BATTLING A 4 ALARM FIRE IN AN UPPER EAST SIDE BUILDING ON FIRST AVENUE" "Oh shit!" I jump up out of my stupor. My ex-wife and daughter live together on the Upper East Side on First avenue! Breaking out in an immediate sweat, heart beating like Keith Moon on meth, I grab for the remote and increase the volume so I could see the screen better (a trick I learned from my great Aunt Concetta who used to put her eye glasses on to answer the phone)I watch as a helicopter hovers over the scene revealing that, Thank God the fire was approximately 2 blocks south of her address. "WHEWWW", I let out a breath like I was holding it in for an eternity. Finally calmed I'm able to see the screen clearly "What a tragedy!" I say to myself. All those poor people evacuated in the cold! The firemen rushing through the blinding smoke a...
Read more

"From the Babe to Hammerin' Hank: Contrasting the Legends of Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron in Baseball History"

-
Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron are two of the most iconic figures in baseball history. Both players had incredible careers and left a lasting impact on the sport, but they had very different playing styles and backgrounds. Let's take a closer look at the contrasting characteristics of these two baseball legends. Babe Ruth, also known as the "Bambino" or the "Sultan of Swat," was known for his incredible power and charisma on the field. He revolutionized the game of baseball with his home run hitting ability and was a larger-than-life figure both on and off the field. Ruth played for the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees during his career and set numerous records that still stand to this day. He was known for his outgoing personality and larger-than-life persona, making him one of the most beloved figures in baseball history. On the other hand, Hank Aaron, also known as "Hammerin' Hank," was a more reserved and quiet player compared to Babe Ruth. ...
Read more