Thoughts Out Of Season

This is something I wrote back in 2008 and just "rediscovered it". I thought it funny but what was even funnier was that it was based on a true story. Texas Pastor’s Advice for Better Marriage: More Sex, More Often An escaped mental patient masquerading as a Texas preacher is back in the sanitarium after convincing a flock of sheep to engage in an orgy he called a week long "congregational copulation" marathon. Many in the congregation said they had some misgivings at the outset, "Well, it surprised the bejesus out of me" said a bewildered Lilly Stripes, "for as long as I can remember I have been taught that having, you know, s-e-x, was sinful other than when I intended to carry forth another sparkling bible thumper into this great nation of heathens". Joan Silva who at first seemed proud of the fact she hadn't had relations with her husband since Kim Carne's  number 1 hit, the screeching "Bettie Davis Eyes", looke...

Yesterday's surprise announcement of  the imminent onset of the Second Coming of the Messiah set  off a furious scramble by Republican funded lobbyists to beseech the world's religious leaders to act on their behalf and to petition the Lord in delaying His arrival until after the coming mid-term elections. Republicans, fearful the the event would  shine positively on the Obama administration have charged the lobbying firm, We Screw You But Not US with the task of pleading their case to The Pope and others of his stature and ilk. John Slafe, CEO of the aforementioned lobbying firm,  sweating profusely while waiting on line at the Vatican seemed both excited and confident that his firm's efforts would be instrumental on  pushing back the upcoming Heaven on Earth for at least a few months, was quoted as saying " Of course I'm confident that the Good Lord will hear our pleas. He is kind, compassionate and and always open to reason. Besides", Mr. Slaf...