Thoughts Out Of Season

The European Union is terribly pissed following revelations that the United States bugged EU offices in the United States and monitored telephone calls throughout the EU. Now why the Hell would you eavesdrop on your allies? Prevent attacks? Unearth plots? Gain advantage for US businesses? Business? That's right folks! I bet a thousand-to-one this bugging and eavesdropping were done at the behest of American businesses looking to gain a competitive advantage over our European allies. What else could it be? This administration is going to have a lot of explaining to do in the coming weeks. From the killing of the Farm Bill to Bugging Our Friends, it looks like armature hour for the U.S. government.

EU ministers, amazed that austerity measures have not lead the 10% GDP growths throughout the European Union have agreed to lessen such measures in an attempt to spur growth in the Union. Growth, measured by Gross Domestic Product has fallen lower than Justin Bieber's dwindling popularity since austerity measures have been the primary focus of debt reduction. Human misery though, as measured by people jumping out windows, consuming barrels of alcohol and downloading millions of internet copies of the Protocol of Zion, have risen higher than a hot air balloon in a hurricane.   Not everyone was happy to hear the news, though. It was reported in a German newspaper that Angela Merkel, Germany's Chancellor and chief proponent of austerity had to be coaxed from a window ledge by staff members wearing masks with the likeness of Ronald Reagan after hearing the news. She was given injections of Haldol and Valium and is now resting peaceably in bed playing gin rummy with George Soros.