Police: "All evidence points to Satan in homicide spike"
Alabama Police: Be On The Lookout For Satan (all points bulletin) for a suspect they believe is responsible for an uptick in homicides so far this year. The suspect is described as between 8-10 feet tall with fiery red eyes, enormous strength and the ability to appear and disappear at will. They believe the suspect was lured to the town after church leaders noticed drops in church attendance and especially donations. Opps police have been further armed with sub machine guns, garlic and crucifixes to where over their uniforms. One officer who who spoke to this reporter on condition of confidentiality said "give me a flame thrower, a truck of garlic and six priests from the Vatican I'm running like Hell if I see this guy". More to follow