When I was 15 God gave me Rosa P

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When I was 15 God gave me a girlfriend straight from heaven, her name was Rosa from the Bronx. She lived on Arthur Ave. She loved me with all her heart even at that tender heart I knew. But I was stupid, young, I did not appreciate her. One day she came and sat in front of my apartment building for five hours just to speak to me. I was too chicken to face her. She finally gave up and left. But I don't know why she always, even after 40 years and three marriages held that spot inside my heart. Oh so many times I thought I would bump into her in the street but 40 years later I've never seen her again.
A week following the World Trade Center attacks I happened to bump into one of her friends who told me both her and Rosa watched me being interviewed on Ch 2 ( I was one of the responders). God only knows how proud I was at that moment.
What is happening now is I'm going through one of the toughest times of my life. I'm unsure if I'm going to make it. But every time I go to sleep Rosa is there, smilinging that smile she always smiled, putting her hands through my hair and looking into my eyes with those loving eyes like she always used to as if to tell me"Rocco. It will be all right". Then she stands , smiles and starts to walk away. I get up to try and follow but she smiles and says "Rocco not now, you can't". And then she leaves.
Why can't I follow her? I'm so afraid to answer that question!

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