Police: "All evidence points to Satan in homicide spike"

-
Alabama Police: Be On The Lookout For Satan (all points bulletin) for a suspect they believe is responsible for an uptick in homicides so far this year. The suspect is described as between 8-10 feet tall with fiery red eyes, enormous strength and the ability to appear and disappear at will. They believe the suspect was lured to the town after church leaders noticed drops in church attendance and especially donations. Opps police have been further armed with sub machine guns, garlic and crucifixes to where over their uniforms. One officer who who spoke to this reporter on condition of confidentiality said "give me a flame thrower, a truck of garlic and six priests from the Vatican I'm running like Hell if I see this guy".
More to follow

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Britain and France To Arm Syrian Rebels

-
Image
Britain and France will begin to send arms to rebels in their fight to overthrow the Syrian government. London and Paris have been badgering the European Union to supply arms to the rebels for months but were rebuffed by other EU members.Rebel leaders were said to be overjoyed to begin receiving Surface -to Air- missiles, machine guns, c4 explosives with one rebel leader saying " This is just the break we have been looking for to topple the Assad regime. Thank you London, thank you France". In other news Al-Nusra,a jihadist group fighting to topple the Syrian government today pledged their allegiance to al-Qaeda. Stated one of Al-Nusra's top generals "Today we join forces with al-Qaeda to topple the Assad regime. If only we had the military arms we could not only bring down Assad but teach Israel and the Americans a thing or two".
Read more

Dominoes Pizzeria Destroyed in 4 Alarm Fire. Ex-wife Devastated

-
Image
 Sitting up in bed today at 430 am with my old pal Insomnia my attention turned to the television: " MORE THAN 100 FIREFIGHTERS ARE BATTLING A 4 ALARM FIRE IN AN UPPER EAST SIDE BUILDING ON FIRST AVENUE" "Oh shit!" I jump up out of my stupor. My ex-wife and daughter live together on the Upper East Side on First avenue! Breaking out in an immediate sweat, heart beating like Keith Moon on meth, I grab for the remote and increase the volume so I could see the screen better (a trick I learned from my great Aunt Concetta who used to put her eye glasses on to answer the phone)I watch as a helicopter hovers over the scene revealing that, Thank God the fire was approximately 2 blocks south of her address. "WHEWWW", I let out a breath like I was holding it in for an eternity. Finally calmed I'm able to see the screen clearly "What a tragedy!" I say to myself. All those poor people evacuated in the cold! The firemen rushing through the blinding smoke a...
Read more

"From the Babe to Hammerin' Hank: Contrasting the Legends of Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron in Baseball History"

-
Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron are two of the most iconic figures in baseball history. Both players had incredible careers and left a lasting impact on the sport, but they had very different playing styles and backgrounds. Let's take a closer look at the contrasting characteristics of these two baseball legends. Babe Ruth, also known as the "Bambino" or the "Sultan of Swat," was known for his incredible power and charisma on the field. He revolutionized the game of baseball with his home run hitting ability and was a larger-than-life figure both on and off the field. Ruth played for the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees during his career and set numerous records that still stand to this day. He was known for his outgoing personality and larger-than-life persona, making him one of the most beloved figures in baseball history. On the other hand, Hank Aaron, also known as "Hammerin' Hank," was a more reserved and quiet player compared to Babe Ruth. ...
Read more