Thoughts Out Of Season

It has been reported in various news outlets that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino was arrested following a dispute at his family's tanning business in New Jersey. But this reporter has dug up the real reason the Jersey Shore Alumni was arrested and it had nothing to do with a dispute at a tanning salon nor did it even occur in long Island. Sources close to the investigation say the Italian playboy was arrested by officers from the 45 prescient in the Throggs Neck section of the Bronx. Sources state that Mr.Sorrentino entered a local espresso shop and asked for an iced espresso. The elderly man behind the counter, eyes narrowed responded, "Hey this is a no Star-a-bucks, we no make espresso like-a that. You want a bull-a-shit drink like-a that you go over there". Mike, trying to keep calm asked if he just throw a few ice cubes in his drink. The proprietor now crimson and with narrowed eyes shot back, "how would-a you like it if I stick a few ice cubes upp...

A concerted effort by Michigan Republicans to force every last black person out of the City of Detroit has taken an ominous turn that has sparked outraged from Spain to Canada.  Frustrated Republican lawmakers and elected officials have tried everything, from replacing much of the City's police force with cheaply made scarecrows, replacing streetlamps with wood burning lamps shaped like crosses to turning over the Department of Social Services to recently paroled members of the Alabama Tea Party. All this to convince the City's African American to scram ( in a case of misguided cultural attack, officials ordered the closure of every chicken joint and Chinese take-out in the City). But the proud last residents of the Motor City refused to knuckle under. Bravely they fought indignity after indignity with pride and a grit that caused every state GOP member to question his faith in God, Capitalism, and his preconceived notions of black ...